Song of the Week:
Strange by: Celeste
Adulthood Friends
Before I got a part time job, I was available literally 24/7 – with no kids, no job, no major responsibility, time was on my side. During this time, I was able to grasp just how much time we have in a day. I know people always say the classic âI donât have time for this,â when something inconvenient or annoying happens. Hell, I still say that, even though I used to believe that was true! But turns out we do in fact have time for that. We just have to make time for it.
Fast forward to the present, where I now work part time – only 20 hours a week, and guess what? I still have time! Yes, I know it is only because I work part time, which now is considered a luxury. Which is why I canât imagine those who work full-time jobs trying to balance adulthood and other obligations that life dealt them. This system truly wasnât built for us, and I hope this generation or if not us the next will end this ridiculous 40-hour work week.
Anyways, as an adult now I think we need to reshape the way we hang out with our friends until we abolish the 40-hour work week. With that, let’s talk about what I mean and get you on the right side of this.
Adult Hacking
Having time as an adult is truly finite; time is a luxury and a weird concept. But becoming an adult is ten times as tricky and weird and frustrating and⌠just ugh! Most parents I know, who are Gen X, believe that as soon as you turn 18, youâre an adult. In the eyes of the government plus the police then logically to everyone else. Not so fast! This rhetoric actually diminishes what an adult actually is! Being 18 you arenât granted anything, I mean, you can finally vote and go to jail. Big whoop! To actually be an adult is less about what kind of laws now apply to you instead itâs more like collecting infinity stones. Capturing all of them, itâs gonna take some serious battles, some serious sacrifices and a whole lot of trial and error to get six tiny, but mighty stones. Adulthood is that process and to acknowledge yourself as a key player is being an adult. Thatâs the best way to put it.1
Why is this relevant? Well, as you’re trying to collect these stones there is a part B. That includes about a million other things happening that revolve around taking care of yourself. Like how we find time to cook, go grocery shopping, clean, work, start a side hustle, run errands, do laundry, have a partner, go to the gym, go to therapy, visit family, and then hang out with friends?!
Whenever adults want to hangout these days it always seems to only encompass these three things: eating, drinking or clubbing. Since I canât handle alcohol, all my friends know we canât go drinking, I would literally be throwing money away or get something non-alcoholic which I can do somewhere, literally, anywhere else. On the other options, I am taken so going clubbing without my partner, to me or to us, is not our style. We are in bed, clean, bonnet on, popcorn popped, with cut pear slices, watching Greyâs Anatomy by 8 PM. So, that really leaves me with only one option, eating out. While I love to eat out, recently⌠I have hit a rut. Instead of having fun, it has become a not-so- fun activity, especially when trying to figure out where to eat takes just as long to figure out a trigonometry equation. It’s not anyoneâs fault dietary restrictions or not liking certain foods, cost and just ability to get to the restaurant all are major factors that arenât controllable. As an adult, this is âmyâ main way of hanging out with my friends. Itâs time to retire these activities, it Is time to broaden our horizon to other unique and fun activities.
Take out clubbing, drinking and eating as fun activities to do on weekends. For those who work full time, having to do all those tasks mentioned above is damn near impossible. Even with prioritizing your time correctly or time blocking or whatever way you plan your time, I still believe it is impossible. Because essentially, what happens over time is the focus shift to managing one aspect of life and that tends to be just trying to take care of yourself. Yes, having fun is taking care of yourself but there are still those infinity stones you gotta collect to get your adult badge of honor.
Hand Out, For a Hand In
Furthermore, if you arenât convinced, another reason I am trying to direct you in a new way is because I believe those activities- eating, drinking, clubbing- are really distant. I believe vulnerability is lost in the sauce when I think there are better ways to connect with people, to access that vulnerable state. The most damning reason behind that is, well, youâre in public when you do those activities. Public you versus Private you are two different people. And Private you is just you at home in PJs. Speaking for myself, I am not going to talk about life in full honesty in public. To get to have vulnerable conversations starts with the environment and the energy in the room. I donât think public settings really hit the mark on that because it requires a deeper level of comfortability for yourself actually in the setting. Although it could be cool, I find it extremely difficult these days to accomplish this.
Rather than trying to accomplish that, let’s go to a place we already know to be comfortable, home or regular places. Just like the regular activities you do as an adult trying to survive. Example: grocery shopping or the gym. Hang out by doing basic adult activities! We already regularly do them anyways, might as well have a buddy to be by your side; thatâs killing two birds with one stone. And maybe afterwards you can cook a meal together or do some crafts. Plus, think about all the money you can save, not drinking or eating out! I think it is genius! If it sounds like I am describing a romantic relationship and not a friendship, news flash, theyâre the same thing so we should treat it as such.
I truly believe that this is the only way to create the bond I am looking for; just a couple girls out at Trader Joeâs with carts full of salads, kombucha and Baguette breads. And we all go to each otherâs house to put the groceries away, cook a meal and just chat all day. Obviously, an ultimate downside to this is that you have to live close like a mile or two or it wonât work as well. Willing to make it work and choosing to put time into is ultimately the choice of the beholder.
Let That Simmer
Thatâs why this weekâs song of the week is about the opposite of making those choices. The sad nature of not putting in effort will regress the bond and by the end all we will ever be are strangers. It reminds me of all the past friendships Iâve had and how I still call them my friends even though we havenât talked in years. I like to hold on to what we had even if the time passed is greater than our friendship. I guess it could be due to social media and my romanticized idea of knowing people. That’s why we needed to find better ways to engage with each other and keep the flame alive. Anyways, Strangers by Celeste is beautifully composed, a bit slow on the tempo but just highlights her voice even more. She allows us to focus on her lyricism by having such a soft touch on the piano and the sweet violin. I really enjoy this song; it makes me think I can sing LOL.
- As you continue to read, think of the infinity stones as basic mile markers in life. Ex: buying a house, getting married, having kids, traveling, income levels etc. Everyone has a different set; it is whatever you think your purpose in this life is and how you accomplish them is totally up to you. I also use this reference in terms of thinking about elderly folks in retirement. Usually around 65-70 years old the term changes for you from adult to elder. So that transition from teen to adult to elder is really what I am hinting at. Adulthood is the longest because there is so much to do, to see, and to know so thatâs why I like this reference; it encompasses that. âŠď¸
Ah, thank you for joining me on this journey at The Unfinished Times. Don’t forget to follow me for more insightful content, give a shout-out to spread the word, and consider signing up for our Co-Collective to be part of our vibrant community. And if you missed any posts from previous weeks, take a moment to catch up! Let’s continue exploring, sharing, and growing together! See you in the next post~ XOXO
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