Song of the Week:
Bags (Recorded At Electric Lady Studios) by: Clairo
Friends Forever
I used to think those cheesy, friendship quotes were just a bunch of hocus pocus. You know, the ones like, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” or “Blood is thicker than water,” or “Friends are the mirror through which we see ourselves.” I was too naïve and young to understand the truth riddled in them. But, honestly, who can when they have those corny girls playing ring-a-round-a-Rosey as the background or fingers with smiley faces “hugging”? It took me reflecting on my own self to see what I truly want reflected back at me. The kind of person I want to be, should therefore be in my tribe. So, the bigger question is: What qualities do I want to embody and reflect back into others?
Build-a-Tribe
Most friendships I have form over the years happen through shared experiences —like being in Design 125 with Ms. Potts or working the same shift. These are “circumstantial friendships”: people come into our lives because of similar situations. While they serve a time, they don’t always last or reach that deeper level of connection I crave. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that this way of forming friendships no longer serve me. I want friendships where we build trust, offer support through thick and thin, importantly, feel inspired by each other.
But let’s be real— friendships aren’t just about deep conversations and emotional support. They’re also about laughing at funny fails videos till we cry, staying up to binge-watching Hell’s Kitchen, going shopping together to blow off steam, or sending TikTok videos we know the other person won’t watch. There’s a balance between depth and fun, to find that balance is crucial in cultivation a meaningful circle.
These qualities weren’t always on my radar, though. It took plenty of failed experiences and hearing friendship horror stories to figure out what it takes to create a tribe. Truthfully, this post could be dedicated to one person who shown me what I truly want. She is not my close friend—yet—but I know someday we will be, because she inspires me. Her story, her dedication, her love are magnificent. And that’s when it clicked. Her qualities make me want to be friend, and in turn, I have to be dedicated, show up, and love just as deeply, so I’m worthy of her friendship. This is the motivation, I believe, should be the foundation of friendships.
As I continued building my circle, I’ve had to dig deep to understand what I truly want reflected back at me. The qualities I wish to see in my friends are the same ones I strive to embody myself. Friendships are a two-way street, and to have amazing friends, you have to be an amazing person. Notice I said person, not friend — that was deliberate. Why? Because of that old saying, “You can’t save others if you don’t save yourself first.” To be a great friend, you first have to take care of yourself and becoming a person worth emulating. I take that seriously.
Opposites Attract
Who you surround yourself with is not just a reflection of who you are; it can also work against you. Surround yourself with people who don’t align with your vision, and you’ll find yourself heading in the wrong direction. As much as we resist this idea, I believe it hold weight. It’s like the saying, “You have to put yourself in good positions to receive good outcomes.” Sometimes, that means setting boundaries, even when those boundaries don’t align with what feels familiar. And let’s be honest— doing this is easier said than done.
Personally, I think this is one of the main reasons I don’t have many friends today. I haven’t always been the best at putting myself in the right situations, nor am I great at choosing the right people. Somehow, I keep attracting the same kind of energy. Why? Do they see something in me that reflect themselves? Do I subconsciously gravitate towards them? Or is it that we carry the same energy? I’m not entirely sure.
What I don’t know is that people can steer you off course if you let them. My job is to stay focused and align myself with people who carry the same determination. These days, it’s easy for friends to claim they’re on the same path s you, only for you to realize later they’re far from it. The hard truth is that sometimes, we don’t see it coming until it’s too late. And when that happens, there’s not much to do but part ways. Some might call this betrayal or being fake, but I’d argue it’s simply putting yourself first. After all, baggage is still baggage — so who’s gonna carry it?
Carry-on
That brings me to this week’s song: Bags by Clairo the special edition version. I find the beat in that one to be much more electric and upbeat than the original version. I love the drums paired with the electric guitar, ad piano, which is my favorite combination. This song highlights all these ideas running in my head and the anxiety I feel to find my reflections. Cultivating the right friendships is about choosing the right bags. The people who inspire you, support you, and reflect the person you want to become. And sometimes, that means letting go of what doesn’t fit.
Thank you for joining me on this journey at The Unfinished Times. Don’t forget to follow me for more insightful content, give a shout-out to spread the word, and consider signing up for our Co-Collective to be part of our vibrant community. And if you missed any posts from previous weeks, take a moment to catch up! Let’s continue exploring, sharing, and growing together! The one-year anniversary is coming upon us, and I have big ideas coming soon! <3 See you in the next post~ XOXO
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