Song of the Week:
Pool by Still Woozy and Remi Wolf
Wanna Kick It?
Welcome everyone to The Unfinished Times, it is me, your writer, Janessa or @xkeoxdmy. To the newbies, hello! How did you find me?! And to my regulars, I am glad to have you back. If you are joining us this week for the first time let me lay down the laws around here. My blog consists of four different categories: philosophy, lifestyle, imagination, and friendship. You caught me at a good time because I am feeling nice this week. And when I am feeling nice, I am able to open up my hard shell and let you all in. So, this week, we are going to dissect the ins and outs of friendships because I feel like people are only focusing on the obvious.
Ins and Outs
I think it is safe to assume that almost everyone has been on these so-called dating apps or that you know of someone who has attempted online dating. But how many of us can say they have been on a āfind me friendsā app? I haveā¦ for many years actually. The thing is I never take them seriously. Every year that I have tried to use these friends’ apps, there has always been a different excuse as to why I donāt try. Which is why I am starting this blog. To try. But I realized, itās not that I am lazy or not interested. I think we fall into this category called: trust issues.
There is one thing that is all the same on these friendship apps and that is people who label themselves as introverts but āonce you get to know them, they become extroverts.ā And I get it, I used to say that all the time. But I donāt think that is what really is going on here. Which leads me to the first out.
We have got to let go of these walls that we have put up in the past. Who do you expect to climb these? The answer is absolutely no one! And to pull a reverse card, how do you expect people to like you? The answer is absolutely no one! I get it, I fall deep into this category, I have major friendship issues. I just donāt want to try for a friendship and then have it dissolve or not workout. I get one ick and I start to distance myself. Before you know it, I am gone like the wind, youāll only see on social media. All I think about is all the time and effort in putting myself out there and going out and spending money on treats etc., all for it to not work. So, I put up an entire obstacle course for others to climb through until I can show you my truest self. Upon meeting me I can come across as an introvert: quiet, shy, doesnāt have an opinion, and then I get comfortable, and I become crazy, opinionated, wild, and carefree. Itās like where was she the entire time? She was hiding where no one could find her to protect herself from getting hurt. I was hiding myself from people because I didnāt trust them to keep me safe. And yes, I went to therapy for this, I know I am messed up. Being able to open up is a part of seeing if there is a true connection and by not doing so, you actually are hurting the odds of ever becoming friends. And I donāt want to say anything cheesy like, āJust be yourself!ā or āWho cares if they donāt like you?ā- truth be told I do care so, these donāt work on me.
However, there is this quote I saw on Twitter, I actually donāt know by whom, so I am NOT taking these words as my own. It goes something like this, āI donāt know who needs to hear this, but someone once said the only way for true friendship is to treat them like a love relationship. Because at the end of the day they are.ā When I first read this, I really disagreed with the statement, I thought: āI am in a long-term relationship, and it is nothing like a friendship; way more things to argue about, deeper connection, family problems etc. These are not the same thing at all.ā The more I sat with it, the more I began to see it. And that leads me to the first in.
The first in, requires you to reread the entire beginning all over again. I will waitā¦ did you see it? Yes, the entire time I was describing a relationship. Relationships and Friendships have the same problems! Does the quote now make sense? It hit me like a ton of bricks, friendships are exactly like relationshipsā¦ without the kissing. If you donāt believe me, let me show you.
Two sides of the same coin
Understanding that a friendship and relationship are one in the same, took me to digging deeper and unfolding what lies with intimacy. Growing up, I yearned for a real relationship- a boyfriend. I wanted something that would last a lifetime with a person and have fun memories together. Through thick and thin, counting on my partner to be there with and for me. It got me thinking about how I am in my own relationship now, and how we accomplish that. I literally had to look up the definition of intimacy because I have always seen it with love relationships but never used in friendships. Yet, intimacy also is about how comfortable you feel opening up with someone, telling them your deepest darkest secrets. This got me thinking, there needs to be some level of intimacy in friendships and maybe that is not the right word. Being comfortable with your best friend, having fun memories, each otherās back is the foundation for all relationships, friendships, family ships periodt. You might be thinking, āthat is easier said than done Janessa,ā and I say duh! Just like relationships take time to blossom, so do friendships. It is not so easy now that we are adults.
Since we are adults, we are able to endure the past pains and move forward. Being vulnerable is my least favorite activity, itās like ripping a Band-Aid. It hurts in the beginning but after it heals- youāll forget all about it. The hurt part is scary, and people would much rather keep it on than deal with it. But I have hope. I have proof that I am capable of ripping the Band-Aid off in my relationship. And if I can do it once, I can do it again. Today is the day I rip it off. I am tired of this controlling me; I want to take control of my life and change my life for once.
I know, it is easier said than done, and I am shooting for the stars. But with a little bit patience, and a whole ton of practice, it will be better. I realized that in relationships you are never good at being a āgirlfriendā or āboyfriendā. That too takes practice and patience so itās the same for being a friend. Practicing intimacy is going to require a lot of open wounds to heal, to let go of my ego, and to find comfort in being vulnerable. My first step, take these ‘find me friendā apps seriously.
Stick With Me
And that concludes this weekās touching yet eye opening post. I think I want to start calling my blog post āarticlesā. How do we feel about that? I am still going back and forth with it. But without further ado, this weekās song of the week is Pool by Still Woozy and Remi Wolf. I think my favorite part is the ending with Remi singing the melody and the beat fading out. It gives me that feeling of a nice pink and blue sunset and just as the sun dips away the song ends, just that perfectly blissful moment. Apparently, this song, donāt fact check me, was written in 30 minutes while they were on tour together! I think that is so cool. I canāt imagine writing a song that fast, hell, not even an article. See what I did thereā¦. Anyways if you enjoyed this week, stick around for next because I will be here, and so will you, talking about an interesting state of the world.
Thank you for joining me on this journey at The Unfinished Times! Don’t forget to follow me for more insightful content, give a shout-out to spread the word, and consider signing up for our Co-Collective to be part of our vibrant community. And if you missed any posts from previous weeks, take a moment to catch up! Let’s continue exploring, sharing, and growing together! See you in the next post~XOXO
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