Any Big Celebration for the Aquarius Season or Am I the New Water Bearer?

January for the Win

 It’s my favorite month of the year. Comes right after Christmas—when we’ve just experienced the magic of the holidays—and brings a fresh start with endless possibilities. And, of course, it also happens to be my birthday month. Call me biased, but the best month is indeed January!

This year, I’m turning the big 2-4, AKA the "Kobe year." While most people love to celebrate this milestone, I’ll admit—I was never a basketball fan. So, 24? It feels... kind of intimidating. It’s funny to think that just yesterday, I was 12 years old, planning my “dream life” in a London flat with a golden retriever and a boyfriend. Now, here I am, planning my life as a future law student, sharing my space with two cats and, yes, a boyfriend. Only one part of that childhood fantasy came true, but honestly? Pretty good odds.

As I reflect on the years behind me, one recurring question keeps coming up from friends and family: “What do you want to do for your birthday this year?” Normally, I’ve got a plan—a vision for my “big day” that wows even me. But this year feels different. I can’t put my finger on it, but nothing seems to fit. There’s no activity that screams “That’s it!” and, for once, I have zero ideas. This year, I’m stuck. 

Transition from Child to Adult

Each year is getting harder and harder. Am I losing my imagination? Is there where my childhood finally comes to an end? Do I only dream of adult celebration now? I can’t help but feel a little lost. It is so unlike me to not know what I want to do for my birthday. What does a 24-year-old even do for a birthday? The options feel endless yet uninspiring. Travel sounds fun, but it’s expensive. Shopping…I always do. A big party feels over the top, and a quiet night at home feels... well, a little anticlimactic.

There’s a TikTok video out there that asks, What if God is water? The thought is mesmerizing: water is everywhere, in every living organism, covering 97% of the Earth. It carves mountains, splits land, sustains life with every breath we take. It nourishes us and forms the foundation of all Earth’s magic. Watching that video felt like seeing a truth I’d always known but never articulated. It was profound. 

Why bring this up? Because I’ve always been the one with the answers. Being “on top of things” has always felt like a part of me—anticipating the next move, ready to fire off when needed, but never quite knowing how to stay still. It’s like I’m a robot, programmed to calculate and respond. But I want to be like water—free-flowing, adaptable, inconspicuous yet essential. Water hides in plain sight but reveals its importance when needed.

I lack adaptability because I thrive in structure, it supports me and allows me to calculate the next move with a clear mind. To be water is to embody: the ability to let go of control, to move with life rather than against it, and to find strength in being present rather than perfect. What if you give yourself permission to simply live, to let the questions linger without the rush to resolve them? What would happen? Don’t answer those….

What does it mean to “be like water”? I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately. This will be my hardest lesson; I like certain things done my way and my way only. It doesn’t come naturally—letting go of control feels vulnerable, even scary— maybe that’s the point. Water doesn’t resist; it flows. It bends around obstacles, finds new paths, and shapes the world not with force, but with persistence. 

I’ve started looking for small ways to practice this. Saying “I don’t know” without guilt. Allowing myself to pause instead of rushing to fix things. Letting a plan fall apart and trusting that something else will come together. Whatever it is, is not life or death.

It’s not easy, but I’m learning that not knowing can be a relief. It opens space for other thoughts and ideas to surface plus gives my shoulders and neck a break from all the tension. And maybe that’s what this birthday is about—not solving every question but leaning into the mystery of it all. If I have my people then, what could not go my way? I have to be mindful of the life I have. All the events I get to witness are all beautiful and sorrowful in their own ways collectively belong to me. 

Funny enough the moments I truly remember that happen out of pure circumstances. They were late-night car rides where we sat blasting music, laughed until we cried, or simply existed together without the need to fix or figure anything out. Moments find their own rhythm, bending and shifting with life’s changes. Sometimes they’re calm and steady, and other times they’re a rushing tide—but they’re always shaped by trust, presence, and the space to just be.

My Mind Won't Let Me Rest

Turning 23 in just a few days feels strange—like I almost don’t want it to come so soon. The human experience is such a haunting paradox. I feel both lost and found, accomplished yet with nothing tangible to show for it. I feel like myself, and then I don’t. This inner turmoil feels inescapable, like a quiet storm brewing beneath the surface. I look to my left, searching for something I can’t quite name. I look to my right, wondering if I’ve missed it altogether. And then, before I know it, I’m just moving forward, heading straight. The most striking realization isn’t that my answers are changing, but that the questions themselves are evolving—becoming sharper, more deliberate, and aimed directly at the essence of my higher self.

This week’s song, "Guilty Conscience" by 070 Shake, feels like an emotional unraveling—a sonic journey through betrayal, self-reflection, and the tension between instinct and forgiveness. With its haunting synths and Shake’s raw, almost otherworldly vocals, the track captures the fragility of trust and the weight of introspection. It’s a song that speaks to those moments when your mind races with doubts, yet a part of you still holds onto the hope of resolution. "Guilty Conscience" isn’t just music—it’s a space to sit with your feelings and explore the complexities of human connection.

Enjoy This Journey With Me

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

Enjoy This Journey With Me ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

This isn’t the end—just a bookmark in the conversation. Stories don’t really close; they unfold, shift, and find new voices. If this one stirred something in you, let it breathe. Leave a thought, challenge an idea, or carry it forward in your own way. And if you ever feel like wandering through more unfinished thoughts, you know where to find me. Let’s keep the conversation alive. ~XOXO