Every Second Counts: Embracing Change, Anxiety and All

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Snoopying Around

The one thing I hate about my home—though it’s not a huge problem, just an inconvenient one for my anxiety—is that packages sometimes get delivered correctly. I live in a secluded part of downtown, and despite my place sticking out like a sore thumb, there’s this weird, almost invasive feeling when someone tries to reach my front door. I don’t decorate the entrance, so it looks abandoned, making delivery drivers hesitant about where to leave packages. I get it. But I actually live there, guys—please!

However, what really gets to me isn’t the delivery mishaps. It’s when someone has the audacity to knock on my door, ask me a dumb question, and then insult me.

There’s a certain etiquette to knocking on someone’s door. It’s changed a lot since the early 2000s—now, with extreme stranger danger and cameras everywhere, unannounced visits feel different. But I guess that doesn’t cross older folks’ minds. So, when I opened the door to a man asking if I knew who owned the building, I was confused but answered him. Instead of just moving on, he tried to fact-check me and then hit me with something unexpected:

“I don’t mean to snoop, but what does the rest of your tattoo say?”

For context, I have a quote on my collarbone. I responded shortly, “Oh, it says, ‘I will love myself in every form’—because I work out a lot.”

His reaction? A head shake. A hesitant Oh… wow, okay. And then proceeds to say, “Don’t beat me up.”

He didn’t approve of my tattoo, but I don’t care—because it’s one of the most meaningful ones I have. Plus, my Asian mother approved, so I know I made the right decision (LOL). But this random interaction did something unexpected: it reminded me why I got that tattoo in the first place.

Why do we fear change?

Flashback to 2023. Graduation was around the corner—literally this time of year. I was stressed, burnt out, anxiety through the roof. And most importantly, I was in my third year of training, and it was 9 a.m. For context, my partner (also my P.T) had been trying to get me into a simple routine: wake up early, drink water, have coffee, and hit the gym by 8 a.m. But I couldn’t even get up with five different alarms. I was a mess. That day, I woke up grumpy, in no mood for the gym. My partner, trying to be helpful, voiced his concerns, but instead of feeling motivated, I snapped.Tears ran down my face as I spilled every anxiety, every insecurity, every reason why he should just leave me alone. My poor partner took it all in and still comforted me. And you know what set me off that morning?

I felt fat.

That was it. That’s what unraveled me. Sure, I was bloated (and my 222 was around the corner), and I wasn’t seeing progress at the gym. I hated how all my hard work was not paying off in full and soon my insecurities had built up for so long that they consumed me.And that is what change does to us. It doesn’t happen overnight—it creeps in, poking at our comfort zones, making us feel like we’re failing when we’re just adjusting. My partner’s push for a better routine wasn’t the problem. The problem was me resisting it. Because even when we crave change, even when we know it’s good for us, we fear it.

We fear what it means about who we are now.

We fear the next step and what it’ll take to get there.

We fear failing before we even start.

That’s why I got my tattoo. I will love myself in every form. Not just in my “after” photos, not just on my best days, but in every version of me—past, present, and future. Every version of me has led me to where I am now, and this present version of me will pave the way for my future self to rise even higher. Everytime I look in the mirror there is that quote staring me in the face, to remind myself. Because if I can’t embrace the process, how will I ever embrace change? To love the process, is to love change.  

The Strangest Thing About Time

But here’s the weirdest part: when we look back on our past, we love it. We romanticize the struggles, laugh at the meltdowns, and wonder why we were ever so hard on ourselves. Even though in the moment, we hate where we are. We tell ourselves we aren’t enough. We pick apart our flaws, convinced we’ll only be happy once we get there. But once enough time passes, we look back and think, I was actually doing okay. I should have been kinder to myself. 

Looking back just a few weeks later, I couldn’t help but feel ridiculous about my breakdown. I didn’t need to explode—but I did anyway. And oddly enough, it wasn’t for nothing. It taught me a valuable lesson about myself: I fear change. Even now. It’s hard, it’s frustrating, and I hate how undeniably good it is for you. It’s like ginger or kale—packed with benefits but nearly unbearable on its own. So, how do you embrace change? 

I can’t help but bring up The Bear—if you haven’t seen it, you’re seriously missing out. There’s a moment when the cousin, working under a fancy chef, is struggling to learn and adapt. She shares a story about her father, a man who traveled the world and meticulously wrote down every detail of his life in a notebook. As his daughter, she was too close to see the significance of these notes until after his death. Only then did she read through his journals and discover something profound: he signed off every entry with the words, “Every second counts.”

This story resonates deeply with me because it ties directly into the fear of change that we all face. The daughter’s reluctance to understand her father’s meticulousness mirrors our own resistance to growth. It’s often only when we’re forced to confront change—when something or someone is no longer there—that we realize the value of embracing it in the moment. Change, like the father’s detailed observations, challenges us to live fully, to acknowledge that time is fleeting and every moment matters. And when you start to care about every moment the craftsmanship to hitting your goals becomes intentional. When we truly make the most of the time we have.

Every second does count, but only if we allow ourselves to grow and adapt.

So, the question becomes: how do we start welcoming change instead of fearing it? And as oddly as it sounds, we just make every second count. 

Enjoy This Journey With Me

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

Enjoy This Journey With Me ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

This isn’t the end—just a bookmark in the conversation. Stories don’t really close; they unfold, shift, and find new voices. If this one stirred something in you, let it breathe. Leave a thought, challenge an idea, or carry it forward in your own way. And if you ever feel like wandering through more unfinished thoughts, you know where to find me. Let’s keep the conversation alive. ~XOXO