Song of the Week:
Big Love Ahead by: Mon RovĂźa
Mixed-GIrl
When people first meet me, there is always one thing that stands out. I guess you could say it makes me memorable. It is so noticeable that you see it before you even notice my face! Everyone tells me they love it or compliments it. However, I always feel like they are lying because they only do so when my hair is âdone.â Although I know they mean well, it is actually one of my greatest insecurities. Not many people know that. They just assume I love it because they love it, but itâs not that simple.
That, folks, is my hairâmy curly, dry, frizzy, lionâs mane, or big puff, and on good days, She/Her. I know, gasp and ooh, you never could have guessed it. She is a lot of work, more than normal, so let me tell you the truth, and youâll see my point of view.
Love and Hate
Letâs start with a question that goes back to 2001 when my mom met my dad, and they had me. My mother is Japanese and Korean, while my dad is African American. My mother knew that our hair wouldnât be easy to manage with two girls. Back in the day, interracial relationships had no guidebooks or how-tos for mixed childrenâs hair care. My parents tried every type of hairstyle in the bookârelaxers, braids, blunt bobs, etc.âbefore I turned sixteen. None of them gave me the feeling of being a pretty girl in my eyes. Even at an early age, I fell victim to European beauty standards. I felt pretty only when my hair was straight and labeled it âmore manageable.â This false equivalence led me to straighten my hair every day for about a year in high school. And it was true, more people tended to like me when I followed European beauty standards. I got way more attention from boys, more compliments, more friends. Until I had the worst schedule my second semester: swim for my third block class.
There was no way I could keep my routine with having contact with water midday! That led me to stop caring about my wild curls. It was unavoidable. I had to learn to take care of my hair, researching the best and cheapest products to use, porosity, curl patterns, and curl type. Since then, I have always let my hair out. Eight years in, and I am still learning how to take care of her.
Through trial and error and many failed bleaching attempts, the only thing gained is perseverance. Not only am I alone on this journey, but I have also been experimenting, meaning I have been wasting money and time. Four hours a week times four weeks equals sixteen hours a month that I am putting in work to do my hair. Sixteen hours times twelve months equals one hundred ninety-two hours a year. One hundred ninety-two hours times twenty years equals three thousand eight hundred forty hours of my life. Jeez. Itâs crazy to calculate; most people donât even think twice about doing their hair. When you get to a certain level, you get tired of detangling it, washing it, deep conditioning it, styling it, and protecting it, and you wonder, is it worth all the hassle? Do I enjoy it? Not really. Do I have a choice? Also, not really. Was I just born this way? Yeah. I am just ranting. I just want to be lazy. Honestly, I just want to be BeyoncĂ© for once and say, âI woke up like this, flawless.â
This journey is uniquely my own, and I have to come to terms with that. I have to accept the difficulties and either do it or not. Itâs a love-hate relationship, very toxic to understand, might I add. I know that I could never get anyone to understand my pain; the only thing we both can do is enjoy the outcome.
Lab Rat
Fast forward to the present, and I have always pondered this question. One that makes me rethink the products I use because who knows what works and what doesnât. I have struggled trying to figure it out since I do not have a laboratory or a white coat. I just have to buy it and see. Being mixed comes with its own cultural and societal baggage. On the other hand, I hardly witness any scientific breakthroughs on the topic.
My question is, does my hair choose one gene type over the other, or is my hair actually a blend between Asian and African hair?
I have tried to do my own research with you guessed it, my Blasian squad. Most, if not all, my childhood friends are BlasianâI know, haha. Even with different parents, we all look similar. Except for one thing: our hair. Some have more of the Asian gene, while the other half have more of the African American gene that shines throughâslight waves, super-duper curly, soft, thick, thin, etc. Amongst ourselves, we find it difficult to help each other since our hair reacts so differently to different products. Clearly, it could be a percentage game, 46% Asian and 54% African, more or less. Depending on your levels, your qualities will be different compared to others. If you think about it, it is kind of bizarre biology.
Finding the answers, I hope would mean that I could transform my hair into soft and silky, that I could brush in less than ten minutes. What a dream! Unfortunately, my hair is my biggest nemesis. Instead, it takes me about four hours every week to make it look good. Even then, my hair dries the way it wants, so I have little to no control over its appearance. However, the idea of learning the truth about my hair is something I would really like to get to the bottom of. Then, I would know what to use, what to buy and maybe, just maybe, on small possibility my hair can be soft. And finally, gain some self-confidence with my hair. Ha! I wish it were that easy.
Inside Out
With that, I present to you “Big Love Ahead” by Mon RovĂźa, a beautiful song about self-love. A topic that has more layers than an onion, yet the core needed to keep yourself together. Everyone has insecurities that we fall prey to from the unspoken societal box that only alludes to POCs and only uses us as a what-not-to-look-like. Truly damning. As a 23-year-old, there are things I am dealing with that I have to undo for myself. This song sets the tone. I do deserve to be in this world. I deserve to feel beautiful, and I deserve to push mountains. I deserve to unapologetically, wholeheartedly exist naturally.
Thank you for joining me on this journey at The Unfinished Times. Don’t forget to follow me for more insightful content, give a shout-out to spread the word, and consider signing up for our Co-Collective to be part of our vibrant community. And if you missed any posts from previous weeks, take a moment to catch up! Let’s continue exploring, sharing, and growing together! See you in the next post~ XOXO
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