Song of the Week:
The Cave by: Mumford & Sons
Thankful for Advice?
‘Tis the season of giving, but if I’m honest, I have nothing left to give this week. I’ve poured so much energy into myself this year that my reserves are empty. And you know what? Sometimes that’s okay. Prioritizing yourself can be necessary, even if it feels selfish. That said, I’ll admit I take it a little too far. I’m protective of my energy and very intentional about who gets what. I give what I want, when I want, and to whom I want. I often use advice-giving as my gauge, deciding how much to engage based on what feels right. It might sound calculate, but I see it as a way to encourage others to stand on their own—with just a little nudge from yours truly.
Legal Counsel is Free…
This might land me in hot water, but I believe advice should always be free. Whether it’s helpful or not, sharing perspectives on someone’s story or situation can be an eye-opening experience—or the complete opposite. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how that advice lands and whether to open/closes certain topics to specific people or cut them off entirely based on their ideals. For instance, if I were sharing a story about how my partner made me so angry that I stormed out, and my friend’s response was to tell me to break up with him, I’d seriously reconsider our friendship. That kind of advice completely misses the mark for my situation. As drastic as it sounds, suggesting such an extreme solution would do more harm than good in my life. It would show me that this friend doesn’t truly understand or care about my well-being—they’re not offering support but rather projecting their own outlook onto my life.
When people give advice, it’s hard to pinpoint where it’s coming from—trauma, knowledge, jealousy, love, or perspective. In that same breath, it is also challenging to decide which lens to approach when giving advice. Personally, I believe all advice should come from a place of perspective and love. Perspective involves considering not only your point of view but also the well-being and happiness of the person you’re advising. Love means offering advice truthfully but framing it in a way that’s gentle and supportive. Receiving advice can be tough, especially when it feels like criticism. It takes effort to shift your mindset and recognize that advice is just that—advice. And a really great first step in that direction is to practice giving loving advice.
There are tons of quotes out there about advice and they truly reflect your relationship. The level of friendship plays a crucial role here because you can’t share everything with everyone. There needs to be a sense of regulation, a boundary you set about who gets to know what. If you think everyone should know everything about you then that makes them a fit to give advice. You’ll end up with a mix of good advice, bad advice, and advice you weren’t even looking for because it is not true that everyone is good at giving. I, myself, think I am great when it comes to giving advice, however I was just informed that I actually am not. That’s why recognizing the depth and dynamics of each relationship is so important—it helps you determine what you’re sharing, with whom, and where they fall on the spectrum of advice-giving. I think the approach should stay consistent for if it does, the advice you seek one day will be the one you actually are looking forward to hearing.
Should I care as much?
A significant part of my personal growth has been learning to take myself out of the equation because I tend to get overly invested in things. For example, when I give advice, I often have high expectations for people to follow through—after all, I offered it for a reason. That reason could be that you need a fresh perspective, you’re unsure what to do, or you’re seeking validation. So, when I give you the advice, I believe you need, and you don’t follow it, I can’t help but wonder—did you not listen?
On the one hand, you don’t owe me anything—not an explanation, and certainly not a commitment to act on my advice. But on the other hand, if you weren’t going to consider it seriously, why did I waste my breath? You could’ve just found a good love song to soothe yourself instead. (Though, if you’re one of those people who think music alone can’t solve your problems, maybe reconsider your taste—and your strategy.)
I know this might sound self-centered, or even toxic, to call it a waste of time. But the truth is, time is precious. Giving someone your time and energy is a gift, and I believe it’s fair to hope they use it wisely. We’re not gods with endless lives, nor witches with magic spells. We’re just humans, trying to make the most of what we have.
Advice-giving is tricky—it requires a delicate balance between attachment and detachment, knowing when to care deeply and when to step back. Isn’t it funny how everything in life seems to demand balance? Honestly, I might lose my mind one day trying to keep it all steady. Too much of anything, and you’re in the danger zone.
I Will Hold on Hope
Ultimately, I’m learning that advice isn’t about controlling outcomes or seeing my efforts reflected perfectly in someone else’s choices. It’s about offering something genuine—insight, empathy, or simply support—and letting go of the rest. People will grow in their own way and at their own pace, whether or not they take your advice. And maybe that’s the most freeing realization of all: I can offer my best and then step back, trusting that what’s meant to stick will stick. If you’re in a place where you’re seeking advice—or grappling with how to give it—remember that the process isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t have to be. We’re all just figuring it out, step by step, conversation by conversation. All we can do is support and that’s all we can do.
Song of the Week is “The Cave” by Mumford & Sons. An oldie but an amazing song about self-discovery and perseverance. I feel deeply connected to this song because it reminds me how everyone journey, or path is different. No one’s will look the same nor will we come across the same obstacles. To live like it is meant to be not only for others but yourself. The self-righteousness I feel when I give advice belong on the back burner and light up in flames. Because at the end of the day, we are all just trying to come out of the cave.
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