Song of the Week:
My Year of Rest and Relaxation by: ggwendolyn
Time to get Personal
Wow! Nice to meet you here again, back for another conversation this week. To my new regulars, it is amazing to have you and those of you who are new, I’m excited that you’re joining us today. My favorite time of the year is just right around the corner, a season of reflection of contemplation, discernment, gratitude, and love. I find myself on the brink of another challenging period of self-discovery, and I don’t want to do it alone. So, I want to extend an invitation to you all to come along and answer some ego-breaking introspections.
Rejection Calling
This year 2023 is one to remember, as it marks one the most mentally challenging periods. It’s a year marked by rejections- from people, myself, even those closest to me. Rejection is my ultimate enemy; it is one of the things that I can’t help feeling like rejection has everything to do with me and zero to do with others. The chemical imbalance in my brain twists the narrative to solely make it about me and my worth. Some people can just roll it off their backs like it never happened, but I, on the other hand, internalize it for months and months on end. Paired with never publicly speaking about them they become skeletons in my closet; if you can imagine my closet is at its maximum capacity. So of course, nobody knows that I got rejected from the Graphic Design program at university not once but twice. My chest literally tightened as I TYPED this. The first instance stung, I was disappointed in myself, played the blame game and I surrendered. It took encouragement from my peers to find strength in revamping my portfolio to resubmit. I listened and tried again. And…I got rejected, got declined, received an access denied. But this time I pretended I didn’t care, like I wasn’t banking on this for my career. The band-aid didn’t last long, queue the self-destructing tendencies and triggers which made my life ten times harder than it need be. It wasn’t until I made up my mind to start this blog that I truly have been working on something passionately; in more way than I will realize this blog saved me from myself.
Pile on top of this, the fresh out of college rejection phrase where no job wants to gamble with a college student. I applied for over 100 jobs yielding in 3 interviews – all ending in rejections. My self-esteem plummeted; I couldn’t help but feel like it was me who was not good enough because if I was good enough, I simply would get hired. It was this mindset that my brought me to a new low. Career rejection, especially when you get older hits the hardest, it is so attached to your identity that these blows can knock someone out. I thought people were overexaggerating about this phrase, but I was underestimating it. Over time this damage resulted in low energy and bad life skills, putting in effort to get nowhere is mentally exhausting which affects how you perform in life. There is no easy fix to this; the discomfort is real, and I also know that growth emerges from sitting with that discomfort. People tend to hide this about themselves, and I see why. Is it smart? Yeah, maybe. But isn’t it also illogical to think that rejection has anything to do with you? Yeah, it is. So, now what? Build faith.
Faith is on Hold
Faith and trust go hand-in-hand, they are the milk and cookies of life and time and time again it has been proven true hence, all the rejections. I am like a wave, I have moments of pure trust and faith then, the next I am not, then I am, then I’m not. I have one foot in and one foot out; it’s no wonder the big guy or universal being is having a hard time helping me out. i.e. my life. The wavering faith leads me to stand on a shaky foundation because I am too scared to fully throw myself in belief.
I didn’t grow up with hardcore religious parents nor were my peers all that religious. I have always known that there is something, someone bigger than all of us, way more powerful than us, someone behind the curtain pulling all the strings. And people who fall in this category can call me out, but this zone is a terrible one to be in. Knowing that there is something is very different from believing there is something. I struggle with wanting the real answer to what’s out there, but I can’t because then I would be dead. Or even worse, I will be dead without ever knowing. It might or might not be all omnipotence or all benevolentness being, it is unknown. And that is something I have to accept in order to move forward with my spiritual path. It is difficult to not want the answers. My self-righteousness gets in the way; thinking I deserve to know or in order to have my faith and trust the higher being needs to be show itself then, I will believe. I recognize my cycle of desiring faith and trusting but hesitating to commit when all I can do to overcome this is just to take a leap of faith.
Community Pick Up
From the very first blog post, it has only been me writing without any responses. That all changes today. Remember that invitation? Yeah, at the bottom there was fine print. I want to hear from you about your thoughts of this year. If you have seen by now, there is a theme of the titles this week. Since the beginning, each week the title of my blog post has been questions the difference is this time you can answer it by using the subheadings:
- Rejection is Calling
- Faith on Hold
- Community Pick Up
- You already are on the Line
- You just got the phone call
Spirituality lives amongst all of us; what sets us apart from each other is the diverse stages of our induvial journey. So, what stage are you in?
And in the spirit of the end of the year, this song of the week is by an artist I discovered last month. The title fits perfect for this blog post because it really has been a year of rest and relaxation for me. I haven’t been doing shit. But I am back and ready to attack 2024 with a bright mindset with plans to travel and learn. Continue growing with me as we embark on a new beginning, new hope, and new faith. Join me as we tackle a rather unusual dilemma that will have you in a pickle. So, same time next week?
Thank you for joining me on this journey at The Unfinished Times! Don’t forget to follow me for more insightful content, give a shout-out to spread the word, and consider signing up for our Co-Collective to be part of our vibrant community. And if you missed any posts from previous weeks, take a moment to catch up! Let’s continue exploring, sharing, and growing together! See you in the next post~XOXO
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