Song of the Week:
Misunderstood by: The Banks
Misfit at my Core
My regulars, it is amazing to have you and to those of you who are new, Iâm excited that youâre here with us today. Itâs about time I got to the last section of this blog. I think we can all agree that putting yourself out there whether that be for dating, friends, or getting your own ideas out there is a shock to your nervous system. Although, I donât consider myself to be shy when meeting new people since I have been doing all my life since my father was in the military. For some reason when the pandemic hit, it was like all those abilities to connect, engage, hold a conversation, were washed away. Which got me thinking that maybe I donât know how to sustain a friendship in the first place.
Misplaced
Ah, the last section, dedicated to the concept of friendship despite its seemingly one-dimensional title, serves as the very inspiration behind the creation of this blog. To be so real with you all, I thought the opposite for a long time, making friends is the epitome of being a military brat. One thing I did everywhere was talk to with everyone; I wanted everyone to know me, and I knew them. To be fair, my relationship with being a military child is complicated. One on hand, I loved it, getting to see new places for âfreeâ sparked an adventures spirit in me but on the other hand, as I get older, wiser, and lonelier, I can now see the unintended consequences of that kind of upbringing.
Moving every three years sounds fun in theory yet it comes at the expense of being able to make lasting connections. Building a community takes time and consistent effort. I found this out the hard way: in high school. Spending my elementary years in Washington, California, and New York, then spending my middle school years in Japan then back to California for high school; I had no roots. And if youâre following that is four years instead of three in one place! The excitement didnât last long solely because I didnât calculate that everyone would have already established their cliques and friendships so, it was hard for a newbie to interject. Public schoolsâ atmospheres are not as accepting as some may think. Most often children stick to one group and thatâs that. They all went to elementary to middle to high school together; I was the odd man out. The way I grew up puts me in a bubble, a unique bubble – I never lived in the same place for more than 3 years and went to about 8 different schools. I made new friends every month because nothing would stick; it made eating lunch very nerve-racking. During my time in high school, I had two extreme friendship breakups that hurt more than any boyfriend break up ever could. I didnât want to be alone and not knowing who would show up to the lunch table amplified the anxiety I already had. I managed to hold two great friends, and it became a âweâ rotating friend groups no longer an âIâ idea. They were my rock in high school making the four years bearable. It was a tough four years for me –and of course I had to get out of there so up north I went.
You would think now that social media is established this could help alleviate this situation, but on the contrary; I flip through Instagram stories or scroll on my feed or watch reels as a consumer of social media. I am left with only specific glimpses of what people want to share to the world. I have coined this phenomenon called âKnow Ofâ. It goes like this: I know of said name, I know of someone having a baby, I know of someone engaged, I know of someone in their masterâs program, I know of someone going to law school etc. I do not know them anymore, so I know of them. What this does is break this habit of thinking I know people. It is a battle I have with time because at some point our lives did intertwine. However, that may not be the case anymore. There is a fine line of time being relative; people donât change in a snap; their core personality and values stay the same. On that off chance, people do change the transition from personally knowing individuals to merely knowing of them reflects a reliance on social media updates rather than genuine interpersonal connections. The question becomes, do I really know them just by their digital presences?
Occasionally, past friends and I have kekeâd like we did back then without anything changing but that fine line of do I really know them after one conversation doesnât suffice my need for community. Life is more extravagant that it simply cannot fit in one conversation or two, it requires hours upon hours of listening and conversing. This is what I am accustomed to, friendships ending just because reachability has vanished. When I hear that other people have friends from middle school or say they have been friends for 10 plus years and they still talk and hang out regularly it blows my mind. Sometimes I forget other people loved their lives just like I do, and it is so fascinating to hear and understand others livelihood because it differs from mine. It really puts in perspective the different choices, environments, and situations there are in the world. I do not know what this is called but, I love it.
Miss. Moving On
I truly believe all those before were supposed to be in my life; did I see it in the beginning? Hell no, did I go to therapy to help me figure things out? Hell yes. Therapy has been a safe place for me to dissect my past relationships and make peace with them. This exercise has helped me not place blame on these experiences, rather it has helped me understand the dynamics, how I responded and the patterns that would emerge. It helped me release all these pent-up emotions I was holding on to and knock down walls I was putting up because of them. I remember the very first session I was telling my therapist all this which was why I was attending, and she said to me, âWow, youâre really self-aware for 21 years old,â and when she said this the response back, I thought was, âYeah, I donât talk to people all I do is think to myself.â I have these thoughts and ideas that just sit in my head too scared to reach out and having loneliness consuming me. I am tired of being this way, I believe I am not the only one out there feeling these same things. What better way to reach the most amount of people than through the internet, with a blog, that talks about fun and interesting topics. My excuse to friendships ending is because they lost their reachability and convenience is over. But I want this to change, I want to connect, engage, hold a conversation with people.
So, as I navigate the terrain of the essence of friendships, I find solace in the idea that perhaps, in this unconventional pursuit, Iâll uncover the most authentic connections life has to offer. Ultimately, what is the harm in finding out? As I am branching out, this week I bring you another hit of mine by The Banks. Misunderstood it not only short and sweet but it gets to the point. It serves as a reminder that I have to be misunderstood because then I wouldnât have a purpose for this blog. If everyone understood me then there would be no reason to write or express my thoughts; you would already understand them. I have this urge to fit in with everyone but simply cannot and never will. Sometimes to create, it requires the artist to be misunderstood to get their message across. To get everyone to understand you, you have to create outside the box to express yourself, find different avenues to end up at the same corner.
Thank you for joining me on this journey at The Unfinished Times! Don’t forget to follow me for more insightful content, give a shout-out to spread the word, and consider signing up for our Co-Collective to be part of our vibrant community. And if you missed any posts from previous weeks, take a moment to catch up! Let’s continue exploring, sharing, and growing together! See you in the next post~ XOXO
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